How to forgive

Forgiveness can be challenging. We understand there are roadblocks we have to cross before we find ourselves in a position where forgiveness is possible. The ability to forgive comes from Jesus alone, but following Jesus doesn’t make forgiveness automatic. If you find yourself in a place where forgiveness is necessary here are some things you can do to help yourself forgive the way Jesus has called us to.

Before you can forgive

    1. Identify the Injury
      1. What happened to you
        1. Betrayal, embarrassment, childhood trauma, abandonment, church hurts, broken trust, abuse, rape…
      2. What emotions are you experiencing as a result?
        1. Fear, anger, rejection, cheated, trapped, overwhelmed, shame, guilty, humiliated, vulnerable, confused, numb, alone…
      3. Who did it? Offenders 
        1. Not THEY – Who caused the pain?
          1. Someone unknown – Drunk Driver
          2. Someone Close to you – Molested by relative 
          3. Living / Dead
          4. God
    2. Calculate the losses
      1. Tangible – home, child, spouse, job, arm…
      2. Intangible – Freedom, reputation, security, dreams, privacy…
        1. Overwhelming and Complex losses often require the help of a professional counselor
      3. Questions to ask:
        1. What did it cause me to lose?
        2. How did it shape my life?
        3. What was the damage?
        4. How will it impact my future?
        5. How will it affect those I love?
        6. How does it impact me relationally, spiritually, emotionally and physically?
    3. Own Your Burden
      1. Pain can cause you to:
        1. Fight the experience
          1. Escape from it emotionally
          2. Pretend it didn’t happen
        2. Drown the pain
          1. Addictions
          2. Dependencies
          3. Busyness
        3. Change
          1. Values
          2. Trust level
          3. Walls built
      2. You cannot change what happened
      3. Ownership allows you to change the way you view:
        1. Your world 
        2. Yourself
        3. Your present situation  
    4. Unload Your Emotional Baggage
      1. Anger
        1. Turned inward leads to depression
          1. Emptiness
          2. Loneliness